Questions to ask your Host Family before you match

Before matching with a host family, ask clear questions about your duties, working hours, days off, pocket money, house rules, the children and safety. A few relaxed video calls where you ask honest questions are the best way to avoid mismatched expectations later, which is the number one reason au pair placements go wrong. Below is a complete checklist you can use in your first interviews.

Why these questions matter so much

Most au pair difficulties don't come from bad people. They come from expectations that were never discussed. In a 2024 BridgeUSA survey by the US State Department of more than 28,000 au pairs, 66% said the program did not match what their recruitment agency had described, especially the amount and type of childcare, the cultural experiences and the travel. Asking the right questions upfront protects both you and the family, and sets your year up for success.

When I arrived in Chicago in 2015, my first host family had two children, two little girls who were honestly so cool. But I hadn't asked enough of the right questions before saying yes, and it caught up with me fast. I wasn't supposed to work weekends, yet I ended up working about three weekends a month. I had no access to a car, and I even had a curfew. It made my first months much harder than they needed to be.

Later, with my second family and their four children, I knew exactly what to ask, and the experience was completely different. That is the most important lesson I learned: ask a lot of questions before you commit. A year is a long time when you're in the wrong place, and a rematch isn't easy either.

Céline, founder of Aupairtrip and former au pair in Chicago

Questions about childcare and your duties

• How many children will I care for, and how old are they?
• What does a typical day and week look like?
• What are my exact responsibilities (school runs, meals, bath time, homework)?
• Which household tasks are included, and which are not?
• Does any child have specific needs, allergies or a medical condition?

Questions about schedule and time off

• How many hours per week will I work, and how are they spread out?
• Will I work weekends? If so, how often?
• Will I have a fixed schedule, or does it change every week?
• How many days off per week?
• Do I have a curfew, or am I free to organise my personal time?

Questions about money, transport and benefits

• How much pocket money will I receive?
• Will I have access to a car, including for personal trips?
• How will I get around if there is no car (public transport, bike)?

Questions about the home, rules and privacy

• Can I see photos of my future room?
• What are the house rules (guests, curfew, meals, shared spaces)?
• How do you prefer to communicate if something isn't working?
• Have you hosted an au pair before, and how did it go? Can I talk to her/him?

Questions about the children and connection

• What do the kids love to do, and what is challenging about them?
• What is your parenting style and your approach to discipline?
• How do you imagine me fitting into your family's daily life?

My honest advice

Ask a lot of questions, and don't be afraid of asking "too many". The families worth matching with will be happy to answer, and it shows you take the role seriously. A year is a long time when you're in the wrong place, and a rematch, while sometimes necessary, isn't easy on anyone. To help you cover everything, we created a Perfect Match Checklist you can bring to your interviews.

Once you've matched: don't wait to build your community

A great match is the foundation, but the au pairs who truly thrive are the ones who also build a life outside the house. Interestingly, that same US State Department survey found the biggest gaps were around cultural experiences and travel, and that is exactly where building your own community makes the difference. Once you arrive, connect with other au pairs nearby, join local meetups and find travel buddies on Aupairtrip, and read our guide on how to make friends as an au pair.

Frequently asked questions

What is the most important question to ask a host family?

Ask what a typical day and week actually looks like, hour by hour. It reveals your real duties, your schedule and how much free time you'll have, which are the areas where mismatched expectations cause the most problems.

How do I know if a host family is a good match?

Good signs are a family that answers your questions openly, introduces you to the children, respects your time off, and asks about you as a person. If answers feel vague or rushed, take your time before committing.

Should I go through an agency to match with a host family?

Yes. A registered au pair agency screens families, handles the visa and legal side, and gives you local support if something goes wrong. Aupairtrip works with trusted partner agencies and complements them by helping you build your community once you arrive.

About to start your au pair journey? Learn how to become an au pair, or discover the Aupairtrip app to meet au pairs near you.